In our ongoing journey to understand what it means to be “Better Together,” we’ve explored the foundation of our unity in Christ and the beauty of our unique giftings. But today, we address a challenging reality: where there is a gathering of people, there will eventually be conflict. Whether we call it disagreement, misunderstanding, or adversity, the Bible is not silent on how we should handle it [02:41].
The High Stakes of Church Conflict
When believers are at odds, the world is watching. Paul warns in 1 Corinthians 6 that taking our disputes to secular courts is a “shame” to the church [03:24]. It tarnishes our witness. If we have Jesus as our head, we should have the wisdom among ourselves to resolve our differences [03:36].
At LAMP Ministries, our partnership agreement explicitly points to Matthew 18 as our guide for conflict resolution [06:22]. This isn’t just a corporate policy; it’s a red-letter command from Jesus on how to maintain the health of His body.
The Goal: Reconciliation and Restoration
Before looking at the steps, we must remember the “Why.” The goal of conflict resolution is never to “win” an argument or to “vent” [09:32]. The goal is reconciliation [07:04]. God is a God of restoration, and He wants His family united so we can be a blessing to the world.
The Three-Step Process of Matthew 18
Step 1: The Private Meeting
If a brother or sister sins against you, go to them privately [08:44].
- In Person: Do not use text messaging. Meet face-to-face so you can benefit from facial cues, body language, and full attention [08:57].
- Humility: This is the hardest step. It requires both parties to be humble and mature, walking in the Fruit of the Spirit—patience, kindness, and self-control [09:16].
- Self-Examination: Before you go, ask God: “Is there any truth to what is being said? Why am I offended?” [10:48]. Sometimes “offense” is just a bruised ego, but “sin” is a violation of God’s standard.
Step 2: Taking Witnesses
If the private meeting is unsuccessful, take one or two mature believers with you [17:42].
- Not a “Gang Up”: The purpose is not to overwhelm the person, but to establish the facts and provide mediation [18:42].
- Wise Counsel: These witnesses should be unbiased people who can help both sides see the situation clearly.
Step 3: Taking it to the Church
If the person still refuses to listen, the matter is brought to the church leadership [19:25]. In our context, this is the Board of Directors—those with the “ecclesiastical authority” to make a final decision [20:13].
The “Pagan and Tax Collector” Principle
Jesus says if someone refuses to accept the church’s decision, treat them as a “pagan or tax collector” [07:59]. This sounds harsh, but remember how Jesus treated them: with special love and evangelistic mission [22:12]. It means the relationship dynamic changes—they are no longer in the “inner circle” of fellowship—but we still seek to win them back with love, while maintaining healthy boundaries [22:42].
Authority and Presence
Jesus provides a powerful promise attached to this process: “Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven” [08:07]. When the church acts in agreement and in accordance with God’s Word, it carries divine authority [24:50]. Furthermore, He promises His divine presence: “Where two or three gather… I am there among them” [08:24]. In our unity, the presence of God is amplified [27:47].
Trust: The Battery of Relationship
While forgiveness is a willful decision we make instantly, trust is built over time [31:13]. Think of trust like a battery. You can’t expect a relationship to be fully “charged” immediately after a conflict. Trust requires three ingredients:
- Safety: Physical, emotional, and spiritual security [33:44].
- Reliability: Consistency in actions and words over time [34:09].
- Time: Healing cannot be rushed [34:41].
Call to Action
Our commitment to one another is to “respect one another” and follow this biblical process [36:28]. If someone has sinned against you, have the courage to follow Step One. Don’t let divisions grow. Have faith in the process Jesus gave us, and let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts [37:41].
Based on the sermon “Unity Through Adversity” from the series “Better Together” at LAMP Ministries. Watch the full sermon here: https://youtube.com/live/l-rY3dKpe4Q